please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
