She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
