What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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