We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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