I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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