u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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