The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
