It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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