Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
