How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
