how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
