Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
