I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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