You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
