sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
