I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
