Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she smelled like a LAN party
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
