some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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