Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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