So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
