I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
