When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
