Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
