If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
