you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he fucked my hip out of place.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
