yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
