Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
