A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
