Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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