We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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