it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Bring me that man meat
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
