yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
