Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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