Moan for me like Helen Keller
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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