I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
