sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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