...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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