if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
