Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
