I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
