seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
