So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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