So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
