I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
