it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
