dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
