I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
