i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
