im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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