just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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