The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
