after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
