I'm laying in your front yard are you home
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
