Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
