just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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