Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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