when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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