he thought i was a dude.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
