I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
