What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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