It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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