Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
