I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
pray to the hookup gods
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
