The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Barsexuality is the new black.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
