I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize