How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
