I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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