I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
